Hey PS2 I got you a new Grand Theft Auto 3 disk. This one has less scratches so you don't have to freeze when I play it. Oh whats that? You won't even read the new immaculate game disk? I am done with your crap PS2. Leave now. No you don't get any of the furniture. Don't even look at the dog. Just leave my house now.
Don't start crying. If you cry I'll cry. But not for you. Just mainly all the crap you've put me through *sob* God Damn it. *sob*
I was patient when the freezing started. *sob* I restarted you and that seemed to solve things for a bit. But that was just lies wasn't it?
Do you know how frustrating it is to finish a complicated mission involving multiple car jacks and grenade tossing only to have the game freeze before I can save it?
*tears* Don't bring up good times like they will just make everything disappear. I wish we could go back to the days of Kingdom Hearts too, but wishes don't fix problems, and they sure as hell don't clean bullshit.
It's so simple. You can play this disk that is shitty. So why can't you play the newer one that isn't as shitty!?
You are an old PS2 and this is a newer version of the game!? Thats so fucking-
Well yes I did notice the art on the disk was different. Wait did you just say: Why don't I just play a different game?
I want to play this one! I own you and you should do what I want when I want.
oh I don't own you? You gonna go start a revolution now? Ok fine yeah that'll work out great. Calling your friends? If you all protest as well as you do what you were made to do then we should see Playstation Liberation just around the time the sun fucking explodes.
That's racist? YOU AREN'T EVEN A LIVING ORGANISM!
Silence huh? Did I go to far?
Oh God what are you-! DON'T TOUCH ME THERE! You motherfu-!
*Pant* *pant*
Hello 911? Yeah I'm pretty sure it was self defense, but I think i just murdered my PS2.
Hello?
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Saturday, June 12, 2010
A New Take On A Popular Meme Horror Story
Here's a story I wrote that was going to end up on the /x/ board of 4chan. For some reason though they wouldn't allow me to post it so it's going here. SO for all of you who don't know what 4chan is just know that the basic plot of this story is not my original idea. The way I wrote it is though.
So I was chillin with my girl at my house. It started gettin hot and heavy you know how it goes, y'know y'know. The phone started ringing but we ignored it. We were busy with other things. Hands intertwined, lips locked, Lust engaged. The ringing stopped, but then immediately started again. This happened three times, and on the fourth I gave in, broke lips with my girl saying that I'm sorry but someone obviously thinks something is really important and went to go get the phone. I was feeling kinda pissed off and said "hello" in a frustrated tone. I was immediately regretting that decision however as the man on the other side said he was my girl's father. He inquired about his daughters whereabouts, so I said. "oh hello sir, yes your daughter is over here" in my most respectful, apologetic, and fearful tone. He laughed, said some things that made me believe he was one of those cool dads, and told me just to bring her home before it got dark. I was all relieved when I went back to my girl. I sat down and was about to initiate the action again, but she said "who was it?"
"oh it was just your dad wanting you to be home for supper”, I chuckled. “He seems really cool" I said while closing my eyes in contented remembrance of the awesome conversation with her respectful, but obviously down to earth father. However when I opened my eyes the grotesquely fearful face my girl now wore upon her jolted me out of my good vibes daydreamin’. Her eyes were wider than her sweet sexy birthing hips. I then inquired “whatever is the problem?” She faltered at first. Her throat had become very dry and to speak caused her to cough immensely. After the fit of throat tearing coughs that racked her body we were both on the floor, and I was very worried. “baby you gotta tell me whats wrong, I’m starting to freak out” her throat still parched she let out a wisp of a sentence.
“That can’t be my father; he’s been dead for five years”
I stumbled back into the glass end-table knocking it over and shattering it along with the things it held. I held out my hands to catch the wall, but none was there and the shift in my weight threw me to the floor into the broken glass. My face bloodied I dashed to the bathroom. Fumbling about I managed to find the antiseptic but my shaking hands betrayed me and I got a face full of hydrochloric acid. The pain was so immense that when I looked around for the sudden draft of wind I felt upon my face I was suddenly outside not knowing how I got there. A dead blackened charred hill rose in the distance underneath an orange and red streaked bleak feeling and hopeless sky. I stumbled up the slope. My girl was there. Tears cascaded from her eyes, her makeup ran, and her hair was askew.
I grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her hard.
“what did you say?”
“My father has been dead fo-“ The amount of air leaving my chest made it feel as though I would never inhale again as my breath exploded from my body,
“BUT THEN WHO WAS PHONE?”
So I was chillin with my girl at my house. It started gettin hot and heavy you know how it goes, y'know y'know. The phone started ringing but we ignored it. We were busy with other things. Hands intertwined, lips locked, Lust engaged. The ringing stopped, but then immediately started again. This happened three times, and on the fourth I gave in, broke lips with my girl saying that I'm sorry but someone obviously thinks something is really important and went to go get the phone. I was feeling kinda pissed off and said "hello" in a frustrated tone. I was immediately regretting that decision however as the man on the other side said he was my girl's father. He inquired about his daughters whereabouts, so I said. "oh hello sir, yes your daughter is over here" in my most respectful, apologetic, and fearful tone. He laughed, said some things that made me believe he was one of those cool dads, and told me just to bring her home before it got dark. I was all relieved when I went back to my girl. I sat down and was about to initiate the action again, but she said "who was it?"
"oh it was just your dad wanting you to be home for supper”, I chuckled. “He seems really cool" I said while closing my eyes in contented remembrance of the awesome conversation with her respectful, but obviously down to earth father. However when I opened my eyes the grotesquely fearful face my girl now wore upon her jolted me out of my good vibes daydreamin’. Her eyes were wider than her sweet sexy birthing hips. I then inquired “whatever is the problem?” She faltered at first. Her throat had become very dry and to speak caused her to cough immensely. After the fit of throat tearing coughs that racked her body we were both on the floor, and I was very worried. “baby you gotta tell me whats wrong, I’m starting to freak out” her throat still parched she let out a wisp of a sentence.
“That can’t be my father; he’s been dead for five years”
I stumbled back into the glass end-table knocking it over and shattering it along with the things it held. I held out my hands to catch the wall, but none was there and the shift in my weight threw me to the floor into the broken glass. My face bloodied I dashed to the bathroom. Fumbling about I managed to find the antiseptic but my shaking hands betrayed me and I got a face full of hydrochloric acid. The pain was so immense that when I looked around for the sudden draft of wind I felt upon my face I was suddenly outside not knowing how I got there. A dead blackened charred hill rose in the distance underneath an orange and red streaked bleak feeling and hopeless sky. I stumbled up the slope. My girl was there. Tears cascaded from her eyes, her makeup ran, and her hair was askew.
I grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her hard.
“what did you say?”
“My father has been dead fo-“ The amount of air leaving my chest made it feel as though I would never inhale again as my breath exploded from my body,
“BUT THEN WHO WAS PHONE?”
Monday, May 17, 2010
The Enigma Of The Emo
Oh how the emo is hated, and loved. Actually when one thinks about it the love of the emo may have produced the hate of the emo. I can see guys not willing to put makeup on getting reasonably angry that the chicks are all swooning for the guyliner painted pasty guy. I can also see people thinking the way emos dress as stupid and ridiculous, but I still don't get why people would be so upset. I have heard people say, "God I hate emos and I want them to die" And I don't get it.
Interesting fact people only really hate the emo guys and usually have a reasonable reaction towards emo girls. The reasonable reaction being not to hate but more like "well that girl's hair is weird". I think this may have something to do with the underlying subconscious unacceptance of homosexual men. Some emo looking guys are gay but not all of them. Also While a lot of people are beginning to accept homosexuality a man kissing a man in public is still looked down upon more than two girls kissing in public.
whats more interesting is this has to do with music.
The music genre Emo seems to me to just be alternative. Although I know alternative is a blanket term for a lot of undefinable rock, I still feel like when I'm listening to Emo I'm listening to alternative. Fallout Boy, Panic at the disco, and The Used are bands I feel like fit well into this category. The pop punk energy and melody with occasional screaming. I feel like any of those bands could go on a tour with Linkin Park or Seether and not be out of place.
There is also screamo, which just seems to be exactly like Emo except with a more hardcore punk influnced sound as opposed to a pop punk influence. These bands tend to have lots of screamed or growled vocals. There are also bands in between these two genres.
What I don't get is the hate.
I had a friend tell me that he hates Nirvana because without them there wouldn't be tons of crappy emo/screamo bands.
I was flabbergasted as his stupidity. Don't get me wrong I think it's OK to hate Nirvana, I happen to like them but I respect that music is a matter of opinion.
What he is stupid for is hating them because they ushered in alternative rock. I mean if you are going to hate Nirvana for bringing about The Used you should hate Nirvana's influences: Black Flag, and Black Sabbath among others.
So I get it if someone thinks that emo hair is stupid, and I get it if someone thinks emo music isn't their cup of tea, but what I don't get is the hate.
Interesting fact people only really hate the emo guys and usually have a reasonable reaction towards emo girls. The reasonable reaction being not to hate but more like "well that girl's hair is weird". I think this may have something to do with the underlying subconscious unacceptance of homosexual men. Some emo looking guys are gay but not all of them. Also While a lot of people are beginning to accept homosexuality a man kissing a man in public is still looked down upon more than two girls kissing in public.
whats more interesting is this has to do with music.
The music genre Emo seems to me to just be alternative. Although I know alternative is a blanket term for a lot of undefinable rock, I still feel like when I'm listening to Emo I'm listening to alternative. Fallout Boy, Panic at the disco, and The Used are bands I feel like fit well into this category. The pop punk energy and melody with occasional screaming. I feel like any of those bands could go on a tour with Linkin Park or Seether and not be out of place.
There is also screamo, which just seems to be exactly like Emo except with a more hardcore punk influnced sound as opposed to a pop punk influence. These bands tend to have lots of screamed or growled vocals. There are also bands in between these two genres.
What I don't get is the hate.
I had a friend tell me that he hates Nirvana because without them there wouldn't be tons of crappy emo/screamo bands.
I was flabbergasted as his stupidity. Don't get me wrong I think it's OK to hate Nirvana, I happen to like them but I respect that music is a matter of opinion.
What he is stupid for is hating them because they ushered in alternative rock. I mean if you are going to hate Nirvana for bringing about The Used you should hate Nirvana's influences: Black Flag, and Black Sabbath among others.
So I get it if someone thinks that emo hair is stupid, and I get it if someone thinks emo music isn't their cup of tea, but what I don't get is the hate.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Spray Nature In The Face With Chemicals
It's not everyday I wake up at 6 A.M.
It's also not everyday I wake up at 6 A.M. to go over to Kjerston (my girlfriend)'s great grandma's house to spew ghastly chemicals at moderately helpless wasps nests.
The cans of absolute death suggest I wash my skin for twenty minutes and call the nearest poison control center if it so much as touched me. Aren't there other ways to mass murder bugs?
Yes
In fact, human ingenuity in regards to killing insects is quite interesting.
I myself favor the bug zapper.
The constant crackling and zapping reminds me of a bonfire.
There is also always fire, flying, and rock type Pokemon attacks. It's super effective!
However this morning no sinister luring and electrocuting, flamethrower-ing, pecking, or rock throwing was to be found at the house of Kjerston's great grandma who is sweetly nicknamed Honey. Just absolute air pressurized life stealing poison.
The cans of bug spray, specifically designed for killing wasps and other wasp-like insects, spray up to twenty feet in the air according to the label on the can.
This however is lies.
Nonetheless they sprayed poison quite far in a straight stream, and there is nothing as satisfactory as shooting noxious liquid into wasps nests and watching them fall, twitch, and release their tiny soul.
Not that wasps have souls.
Now I doubt she can help it, but Honey's house had at least twenty-something nests around it total. I almost felt bad killing so many wasps at once. It had to disturb some sort of ecosystem in her backyard if the Wild Thornberrys is anything to base fact on.
I can see it now, the wasps all die and therefore whatever it is wasps eat, ( I shall assume aphids) will produce wildly out of control. People will run screaming into the night as more tiny holes then usual will appear in the potted plants they don't really care about.
It is a disaster. But I got money out of it so I am inclined not to care.
It's also not everyday I wake up at 6 A.M. to go over to Kjerston (my girlfriend)'s great grandma's house to spew ghastly chemicals at moderately helpless wasps nests.
The cans of absolute death suggest I wash my skin for twenty minutes and call the nearest poison control center if it so much as touched me. Aren't there other ways to mass murder bugs?
Yes
In fact, human ingenuity in regards to killing insects is quite interesting.
I myself favor the bug zapper.
The constant crackling and zapping reminds me of a bonfire.
There is also always fire, flying, and rock type Pokemon attacks. It's super effective!
However this morning no sinister luring and electrocuting, flamethrower-ing, pecking, or rock throwing was to be found at the house of Kjerston's great grandma who is sweetly nicknamed Honey. Just absolute air pressurized life stealing poison.
The cans of bug spray, specifically designed for killing wasps and other wasp-like insects, spray up to twenty feet in the air according to the label on the can.
This however is lies.
Nonetheless they sprayed poison quite far in a straight stream, and there is nothing as satisfactory as shooting noxious liquid into wasps nests and watching them fall, twitch, and release their tiny soul.
Not that wasps have souls.
Now I doubt she can help it, but Honey's house had at least twenty-something nests around it total. I almost felt bad killing so many wasps at once. It had to disturb some sort of ecosystem in her backyard if the Wild Thornberrys is anything to base fact on.
I can see it now, the wasps all die and therefore whatever it is wasps eat, ( I shall assume aphids) will produce wildly out of control. People will run screaming into the night as more tiny holes then usual will appear in the potted plants they don't really care about.
It is a disaster. But I got money out of it so I am inclined not to care.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Our Beloved PokeChildhoods
When it comes to gaming I have always been more of a casual player when comparing myself to other gamers. Except for a certain few, the Super Smash Bros. series being a good example, I am not very good at video games in general, and I am not into them as much as some of my friends.
However the Pokémon series has, and will, always hold a special place in my heart as a cherished favorite, and I feel I have to defend it against naysayers. Also with the recent additions of HeartGold and SoulSilver versions to the ranks of awe inspiring and RPG urge- satisfying Pokémon games I feel this is a relevant issue.
Most peers of mine do enjoy Pokémon simply because it is ingrained in our childhood like going to a baseball game for the first time, or visiting a circus for the first time where that innate fear of clowns is initially stirred. Childhood memories make us who we are. Television shows and video games a person enjoys when a child will always bring happy childhood memories to that person when played or watched later in life, and maybe that is the reason people get so disagreeable when those things are changed or added to.
People’s childhoods are not going to be destroyed when new Pokémon games come out. I am tired of hearing people complain that Pokémon was ruined when the Gold and Silver versions of the video game came out, and by subsequent versions of the game polluting the simple first set of Pokémon with three others. I hear things along the lines of “Yeah, I like Pokémon, but after the first one-hundred and fifty I lost interest” and I want to say “well then you don’t like Pokémon” but, I never do.
I wish to take a stand today but, I understand where people are coming from. I was very happy that I had an original VHS copy of E.T. after I learned that Steven Spielberg decided to remake it with better graphics and less shotguns but, people overreacted to this change too.
I re-watched the movie to see where exactly the guns had been taken out and I couldn’t believe it was a one-second span of film people were outraged over. Right before E.T. and that pale kid fly over the police there’s a shot of a gun in the hands of the police. I admit this shot would be pointless if the menacing gun were replaced with a walkie-talkie, but it is so short I don’t know how people even noticed.
People need to let stuff like that go. The great memories a person has of watching E.T. for the first time, or even the second and third, can never actually be relived. And, it’s fine to want your children to experience the same things you did when you grew up, but no two people ever experience anything the same way anyway.
So, fellow pokefans need to put down their pikes and armor. Enjoy the fact that they are still making Pokémon games, and even remaking the old ones with new features. The people who make Pokémon do an amazing job with the new games as well as with remaking the old ones. These fresh additions keep the franchise alive and thriving. The fact that these games are still very enjoyable is amazing and should be appreciated.
However the Pokémon series has, and will, always hold a special place in my heart as a cherished favorite, and I feel I have to defend it against naysayers. Also with the recent additions of HeartGold and SoulSilver versions to the ranks of awe inspiring and RPG urge- satisfying Pokémon games I feel this is a relevant issue.
Most peers of mine do enjoy Pokémon simply because it is ingrained in our childhood like going to a baseball game for the first time, or visiting a circus for the first time where that innate fear of clowns is initially stirred. Childhood memories make us who we are. Television shows and video games a person enjoys when a child will always bring happy childhood memories to that person when played or watched later in life, and maybe that is the reason people get so disagreeable when those things are changed or added to.
People’s childhoods are not going to be destroyed when new Pokémon games come out. I am tired of hearing people complain that Pokémon was ruined when the Gold and Silver versions of the video game came out, and by subsequent versions of the game polluting the simple first set of Pokémon with three others. I hear things along the lines of “Yeah, I like Pokémon, but after the first one-hundred and fifty I lost interest” and I want to say “well then you don’t like Pokémon” but, I never do.
I wish to take a stand today but, I understand where people are coming from. I was very happy that I had an original VHS copy of E.T. after I learned that Steven Spielberg decided to remake it with better graphics and less shotguns but, people overreacted to this change too.
I re-watched the movie to see where exactly the guns had been taken out and I couldn’t believe it was a one-second span of film people were outraged over. Right before E.T. and that pale kid fly over the police there’s a shot of a gun in the hands of the police. I admit this shot would be pointless if the menacing gun were replaced with a walkie-talkie, but it is so short I don’t know how people even noticed.
People need to let stuff like that go. The great memories a person has of watching E.T. for the first time, or even the second and third, can never actually be relived. And, it’s fine to want your children to experience the same things you did when you grew up, but no two people ever experience anything the same way anyway.
So, fellow pokefans need to put down their pikes and armor. Enjoy the fact that they are still making Pokémon games, and even remaking the old ones with new features. The people who make Pokémon do an amazing job with the new games as well as with remaking the old ones. These fresh additions keep the franchise alive and thriving. The fact that these games are still very enjoyable is amazing and should be appreciated.
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